I sat in a circle of kindergarten and first graders, teaching a session of Our Whole Lives, a faith and sexual education curriculum used at my church. In my hands I held a book called "Love Makes a Family." I cracked it open for all the kids to see. Inside were beautiful photographs of every type of family you can imagine. I held up one picture as I slowly circled the wide-eyed children. It featured a lesbian-parented, African American family with dreadlocks, including one youth and a child, with a small pet tucked into the corner of the photo. "What do you notice about this family?" I asked. An unexpected hush fell over the room. Then one child's hand shot up with excitement. "I notice they have a cat," she said. "We have a cat!"
Unless taught otherwise, there's nothing wildly different or inherently strange about same-gender parents in the eyes of our kids. They're more interested in the family pet.
My older son absolutely adores his gay uncle, who is part comedian, part child-whisperer without any children of his own. He creates a magic world every time we are together. Although my son Myles doesn't yet know it, his own dad was shaped by the experience of having a gay brother who came out as a teenager. And that's partly why I married him--his understanding of masculinity is not rooted in machismo or homophobia.
My husband is an Eagle Scout, but we made the decision early on that our boys would not participate in the Boy Scouts due to their exclusionary stance on gay scouts and scout-leaders. In their recent schizophrenia on this anti-gay commitment, I wrote a letter expressing our disappointment. And then, the BSA took a tiny step forward--admitting openly gay scouts into the organization while maintaining the ban on gay scout-leaders (surely related to the harmful, false link between homosexuality and pedophilia in the paranoid minds of the anti-gay crowd).
Myles is enamored with the out-doors, camping and wildlife. He recently received a badge from the Nature Center and asked his father that very evening to sew it on one of his shirts, then proudly wore it the next day. I knew he would love participating in Boy Scouts. At the same time, the ban on gay leaders was hard to swallow.
But what would happen if, right now, at the very moment that the Boy Scouts has gone half-way in changing their anti-gay policies, an influx of progressive families joined the organization? What if we became the change we wished to see in the organization, working from the inside out? We asked Myles if he wanted to join. Of course he did. On the day he got his uniform, he sheepishly tried it on six times before bed. He was thrilled.
And yet, I've received questions and surprise from many corners of our lives since we've become part of the Boy Scouts. Why would vocal LGBT allies join this organization that still excludes gays from adult leadership?
We are living through an exciting time in history. Freedom is on the march. One day we will tell our grand-kids about the fight for full equality under the law, especially here in the south. I will tell them how I marched and wrote in the paper and presided over gay marriages before they were legal. Our progress toward the ultimate goal is inevitable, but that doesn't mean it will come easily or without great effort. It is only a matter of time, and yet there are those who can't afford to wait one more day. Maybe my grandson will be a fourth generation scout leader, and one night around the campfire he will tell the story of how his dad joined the scouts to be the change he wished to see in the world.
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